"I’m in love with the process of awakening. I’ve been drawn to spiritual practice for as long as I can remember, growing up with a pervasive sense that I was missing something HUGE in plain site. I found meditation during my first crack at university. Like all people, I spent a good part of my life preoccupied with the contents of my consciousness rather than consciousness itself. Many trips to the depths only to end up back in the shallows again. After decades of intermittent practice in a variety of traditions that felt like they were the best I could do at the time, I found my current traditions/practice communities at the outset of COVID. They feel *exactly* right which, as it turns out, makes all the difference in the world. Classical and Neo-tantra have been complementary forces in my awakening process. Grateful beyond words to my teachers and to the grace that’s unfolded.
I’ve moved from social anxiety to social ease. From body dysmorphia to body balance. From scarcity to abundance. From task focus to people focus. From outcome to process. From emotionally closed to emotionally available. From guarded to loving. From a separate me to a frequent sense of connection and flow with the whole of existence. On occasion I’m everything and everyisn’t, everywhere all at once loving itself. There’s no aspect of my way of being that hasn’t been uprooted by the awakening process which isn’t to say I’m done - far from it. There is no “done”, just being with more and more frequency, depth and authenticity. "
Why I Facilitate
I teach and coach because in meditation I was told that it was part of my spiritual path in spite of (or because of lol) my own resistance to accept that role. I’m still not certain of the "reasons" to be honest but I've learned to trust my intuitive self with my life and so when it speaks, I listen.
I also teach because I know from my own practice that we are all already perfect expressions of divine consciousness. My experience and understanding of altered consciousness means that I can be helpful to those that are new to that terrain as well as those who have some experience there. Our suffering isn't ultimately necessary (it can often be necessary in the short term - long story - spiritual practice is like that - everything gets messy when we try to language it - there's a reason for that too but not enough space here.
I know that the next moment of our attention is the only thing that separates any of us from a more awakened way of being that, by its nature means less suffering. We simply don't recognise our own divinity that is more "us" than the bodies we're borrowing for our brief time here. I'm called to help others make that journey in whatever way they can. But first you have to *want* that in a way that supersedes or at least competes with your other wants in life haha ... refer back to the necessity of suffering in the short term or gaining an experience in a tantra workshop :-)
My Favourite Blog I've Written
What does pleasure and celebration mean to my body?
As my awareness cultivation practice has progressed, the meaning of pleasure and celebration to my body has changed as well. From a place of rarely being pleased, let alone celebrating, to a place where pleasure and celebration are my default states.
Pleasure and celebration can still mean so many different things to my body depending on where my consciousness is resting.
In my less constrained states, pleasure and celebration are my very nature as a constant stream of love, microcosm becomes macrocosm and everything in my sense field of awareness and beyond is exquisite, perfect, infinitely precious and totally mundane all at the same time. Being itself is a cause of deeply embodied pleasure and celebration far beyond any offered by any other state of consciousness that I've experienced.
Passing a kidney stone without anaesthetic while engaged in tonglen. Losing attachment. Driving in heavy traffic. In my more constrained states, pleasure and celebration also follow my attention - receiving a vigorous intentional ball smacking while restrained spread eagle on a St. Andrews cross, the insane pleasure of eating and savouring food, savouring and digesting emotions, loving another through the touch of massage, being rimmed and then deeply and masterfully fucked by a regular tantric lover, the caress of the warm summer wind all over my naked body. Pleasure and celebration regularly arise on my yoga mat, from breath, from slowly and lightly rubbing my thumb and forefinger together. So much more to say but I’ll leave it there for now